Sid peed in the kitchen while we were at work Monday. This is extremely rare. Usually only when sick, but she seemed fine.

Then she did it again Tuesday. I am leaving earlier and Katie is getting home later, plus Sid is 2 months shy of turning 15. Other than the peeing, she is completely normal. Good appetite, runs around in the backyard, wants to interact, not lethargic at all.

Then she did it again Wednesday. Then I finally put it together than she has come in at 3AM to wake me up to go out a few times recently, which she rarely does. I got home last night and called our vet. They had a late opening so I loaded Sidney up and off we went. They started off with a urine test. She has a UTI, which I expected. But then there were some other results from the urine test that the vet, Dr. Holly, couldn’t definitively explain. She said it could just be random weirdness with a UTI, but maybe there an issue with her kidneys that is causing the weird results and the UTI. She said we could do some bloodwork that they would send out for analysis.

That got my attention. They can handle bloodwork there. They’ve done for her several times. They’ve only sent it out for analysis two other times, and those were the two times she had cancer. I told them to do the bloodwork and forked over $330, most of which was what I’d been saving for new bars for my bike. The results will likely be back on Friday.

And then she said “We’ll give you antibiotics for the UTI and when the results come back hopefully there is something we can do for her.”

What?

Hopefully?

I don’t know if Dr. Holly is trying to prepare me just in case it’s bad news, or if she actually expects bad news and doesn’t want to say anything yet. I can understand she wants to prepare me either way. I’ve been trying to prepare myself for a few years now. Like I said, Sid is 2 months shy of turning 15. Normal age range for a dog like her is 14-15 years. Which means we’re also at the point where I have to consider things that normally don’t enter my mind. Is it worth any amount of money for treatment – whatever form that takes – and recovery, just for a few more months of keeping her around? Recovery is hard for a dog her age. Would the toll that takes be justifiable? Would she even come out of it the same old Sid? It’s impossible to know.

I’ve had Sid since she was 6 months old. For all but the last 5 months she was the only baby I had because I was told the odds of there being any human babies were essentially nil. So I’ve always spoiled her. Sid wrapped me around her little paw before I even took her home. Now I have to ponder (again) life without her. She’s old enough that I have to think about it every single time something isn’t right. And trying to prepare myself or not, I am not ready. I don’t want her to go. But I have a very real fear that some boneheaded decision of mine will keep her around longer than she should be. If she ever suffered because of my weakness or selfishness, I’d have a very difficult time learning to live with that. She’s never been anything but loving to me and I owe her the same.

So now I wait until Friday and hope for good news. I try not to think about it, but this post shows how miserably I am failing in that regard.